Solitude and The Age of Disappointment

Let me begin by saying: I do not want to insult or offend any one over the age of thirty who reads this. Now you’ve all said, “oh…great”

I turned thirty not that long ago, and I wondered if the Age of Disappointment had come.
By Age of Disappointment I do not mean a catastrophic ‘end of an era’ that meant my life was going to be one big plummeting spiral to the toilet from this point on, but more of a quiet realization that my “potential energy” was losing steam.
What I mean: when I was younger I had hopes and dreams of athletic success, and I truly mean unrealistic multimillion-dollar career dreams. There were also dreams of moviemaking, acting or directing my way to winning Oscar’s, or doing the talk show circuit, etc etc.
And recently after a conversation with Kara had realized I had had similar dreams of writing success, Stephen King-like success.
But though people have enjoyed what I have read, I believe I have always lacked the disciple and ability to polish whatever talents I possessed.

When I took up running for fun in August, in effort to share the wave of Kara’s enthusiasm, I had begun to have similar ideas. Though I enjoyed the running and saw great progress in consistent and coherent training I wondered if my prime had already passed and that I had given the potential of my twenties over to challenging Alexander Keith and Ronald MacDonald.

So in recent months I set goals of the Cabot Trail Relay Race and the Fredericton Half Marathon. As a side note James and Jaime got me into the possibility of doing the Fredericton Half in 2005. I started training with them, with nary a clue as to what I was really doing, and not only did I become intimidated by two athletic, and skinny people (they will challenge me on this but they are far closer to if not bang on their ideal weight than I!) but I also went and had a Vasectomy. Talk about the catastrophic end of an era…though it is a story for another time…
Needless to say, my “training” took a “hiatus”. But I digress.

I have approached the upcoming “Race Season” more adequately called “Event Season” with vigor and intelligence. I have seen steady improvement that has kept me going. So today March 11 2006 I have hit close the halfway point in my training plan and a RR March Break Away 5K and 10k fell perfectly on today. Not only was this a perfect opportunity for the four of us to run together, for us to challenge our selves, but also raise a few dollars for the Rotary Club.

The past week had seen near perfect weather, for March anyway. It was warm, sunny, and the wind was not playing too much havoc. So when the slushy crap landed on Thursday we feared the worst. But the weather cooperated, and this morning the weather was warmish, the ground was close to dry, and the wind was howling like a gale force storm. If we had been boats…

As we arrived at “the potatoe place” there was confusion, searching for the registration van, and more importantly looking for the pee place.
The set up was sparse, with only a small clot of cold impatient runners. No fanfare, no freebies (except safety pins), not water tables…We just got our bibs, a little warm-up, a couple words and then…go.


Now that I have spent so much time on build up, here comes the kicker. I don’t remember much of the race.

I remember saying over and over to myself, “Set your pace, run your race”
I remember the kilometer marking on the ground in blue chalk. And they seemed to come quicker than I expected.
I remember the wall of wind that hit me after the third turn, especially on the second lap. And then upon reflection, I realized that we ran almost 2/3s of the race into the wind.
I remember trying to catch the “damn woman in the blue jacket” who remained frustratingly 200-300m ahead of me.
I remembered thinking of Kara, and wondered how she was doing.

I spent almost the race alone. There was a bit of shuffling at the beginning, but because of the small numbers we all found our niche and ran in it. The biggest thing I remember besides my result is the realization that running is a truly solitary sport. I had no gadgets, no watch, nor MP3 player.
Just the sounds of the race, the wind, my feet, the traffic, the cursed wind.

There is absolute truth in running. If you do it with out distraction you can come face to face with yourself.

It all went quick, and my results surprised me. Given the wind, given, the fact I spent most of my work this winter on a treadmill with out hills, or yes hah-ha no wind.

It was to be a day of personal bests.

10km 53:38.


Given all that I have said, Screw thirty; I think the age of disappointment can wait. I am so happy, so content, and so proud. It was just a good day.