What HLTA tought me

Well I am back, and to be honest faithful reader it was not until I was on the long plane ride back that I started to consolidate my thoughts into what I could say to sum up my time home. I could mention how odd I felt, when I went to the drivers side of my minivan to get in as a passenger, to when we went to the mall and saw so many people, and men and women without weapons, and I did not have to barter a price for my produce, though I wished I could.

And yes, I was eager to get to come back to Afghanistan, to get back to this dangerous little sandbox. Don’t get me wrong I enjoyed my time home, immensely, and I put every effort into “being there” with my wife and my kids, my family and friends. But I knew when I went home that my time was not over, and bits of my job would travel with me lodged in my brain forcing me to think, create, solve, debate, and somehow deal with them. In no effort to delude myself I believe/ know that my wife knew this as well.

My time home made one thing become very clear. In all movies, except those crafted to not have closure, there is a climax. There is an ending, satisfactory or not. Sports provide the same thing- all sports. Our culture is dictated by pop culture events that have definite, and often times, immediate results. In NHL playoffs there are winners and losers, game-by-game, series by series. The quality of play and anticipation make the game-to-game series to series excitement something palpable. TV shows, even long running series often have single episodes that introduce ‘conflict’, show our antagonists and protagonists, their struggle and always - resolution.

My stay in Afghanistan, and that for many soldiers here will not have closure, a climax, or a satisfactory ending in the conventional sense of the word. This is no video game, sporting events, or episode of Friends. There will be no battle that signifies the defeat of the Taliban and insurgents, and results Afghan civilians dancing in the streets, and NATO soldiers returning home to ticker tape parades, and roll credits.

There will not be a final school or hospital opened in the next three months that will have the general Canadian public rejoicing that we have educated/ healed the masses of Afghanistan.

What I am saying is that we will return home to Canada making way for the next wave of soldiers. What will dictate that our job is done, and that we ‘won’? For many soldiers out in the sand sweating, fighting, and surviving the mere act of returning home, whole and alive may be enough of a climax. But for those of us in the relative safety of KAF this is less of a victory, still felt, but not on the same scale. We will return home, heroes all, but without that pop culture sense of victory. Is that why so many of us volunteer so easily to come back? To finish the job? Soldiers do not define success by adhering to a fabricated and often times irrational “Exit Strategy” but by mission completion, and mission success.

Perhaps we can take solace in the fact that for these six months we were at the top of our professional game, for all the strife and struggle we were at the top of the pyramid. For some this will be the culmination of more than a year of dedication to training and deployment here. For others this will be step two or step three in a revolving door of continuous assignments to Afghanistan. To some soldiers this will mark a fitting twilight on long careers, for others a bright and lucky start to a career. So maybe we aren’t bringing a gold medal home when we touch down on that tarmac, but the sense of accomplishment will be no less, and families will recognize the relieved but wistful looks in our eyes when we think about what’s next.