The Market Experience: Scotty's Guide to Surviving the Sale

There are a few universal truths about a deployment to Afghanistan, if the wind blows the wrong way this place stinks, Tim Horton’s is an international phenomenon, the Brits drive with reckless abandon making even a 16km/h speed limit dangerous, and Saturday is Baazaar Day, a fixture on which you can set your genuine Rollexe watch on.

There is little pomp and ceremony to the market, though it does hold a certain splendour and attraction, reminiscent of a renaissance fair minus the jugglers, and musicians. But it does have swords, and exotic fabrics, and trinkets, and smiling men in Man-jammies. It is very much like a flea market, it is outdoors, and divided into stalls - and full of stuff you really don’t need. Well, except for Scorpions Frozen In Resin Paperweights. Nothing says, “I am a Man Who Has Everything” like an amber coated resin arachnid. I own two, but I digress.

Shopping at the market can be broken down into categories: Movies and Software, Marble and Stone, Rugs and Pashmina, Jewellery and Watches, Trinkets and Antiques, and Weapons and Guns. Hm, welcome to Trivial Pursuit: the Afghan Edition. Instead of answering skill-testing questions you barter your way to pie.

Bartering, there is a learned skill. It is essentially the real fun behind the market experience, meaning to take away nothing from collecting keepsakes and touristy bits for family and friends. And the activity and novelty of just spending money, even boring American money, helps you feel normal again.

The script is the same, though the quality of broken English will vary:
Honest and Upfront Vendor - “Come sir, look watches (insert any merchandise here)”

Eager and Intrepid Shopper – “Oh no, just looking” Coy, slick smooth
Honest and Upfront Vendor – “No for you my fren’ I make good deal. Half price.”
Eager and Intrepid Shopper – “Oh I dunno” Aloof.

And then you stare at each other a bit, and feign indifference, even though you have to buy this marble tea set because your spouse in Canada has placed their order.

Eager and Intrepid Shopper – “How much?”

Now either the vendor say something three times what you’d pay or, retorts with “make an offer.” Which of course you do and it is taken as a playful insult. Then the great debate begins, and eventually ends with a handshake.

Definition of a bargain: a transaction in which both parties believe they have fleeced the other and got the better of a deal.

There are some popular purchases. Marble, particularly marble chess sets.
The (ahem) “New Release” movies are exceptionally popular. Sometimes there is little else to do than fire up the laptop and watch a movie still in theatres. Except buyer beware, you can’t tell the guy in front of you to put his head down, or tell the girl on the left to eat a little quieter.

For those who call KAF home we all look forward to Market Day, it is the highlight of the week. Starting late Friday with the “What are you looking for this week?” conversations, and punctuated with the Saturday evening, “Oh man you got a steal/ you got rooked!” conversations. Followed by a couple days of “strategy building”. It passes the time, and provides memories and stories.

Oh, and if it rains on a Friday the disappointment starts to spread. A nervous chatter begins wondering if the market will happen the following morning. Even insurgents get angry if there is a chance the Market will be cancelled, and show it by lobbing a couple of “warning shots” at us. Yep, the market is a big deal. And for you my friend, half price.